Is being single good or bad? The truth is that being married or being single have their pros and cons. Each is a gift from God for the present moment. The past is gone, and the future may never come. So for today, are you trusting God in singleness?
Common myths about singlesness
Is being single better? Some people think so. However, the majority of us have come to believe that life begins when you get married. It is as if we are second-class citizens if we don’t have a spouse by some magical age. Many long for the romance of Cinderella being swept off her feet by Prince Charming.
If you don’t already know it, the outsiders looking in have their opinions too about your singleness. Unfortunately, many of them are flawed. So what are some of the common myths about singleness?
- Life really begins when you get married
- The single person is too picky
- There is something wrong with one who does not get married
- Singles can not experience intimacy
1. Life really begins when you get married
Fueled by a “happily ever after” culture, we easily accept this myth. Unfortunately, It makes it really hard to trust God in our singleness.
A good friend of mine wrote in her blog a few years ago,
“Life does not begin when you get married. Life begins when Christ pulls you out of the grave.” Joselyn B. Lopez
We have so much to live for. It is such a shame to believe this myth that life begins when you get married.
2. The single person is too picky
Is being married the ultimate goal of life? With divorce rates skyrocketing, what is wrong with having high standards for the person we want to eventually marry?
My conclusion is that it is better to be single than be in the wrong, and often miserable marriage.
Maybe if people were pickier in who they marry, they would end up with “until DEATH do us part”,
NOT “until DIVORCE do us part.”
Marriage doe not hold a magic key to our joy and happiness. Don’t let this myth get you off course. There is too much at stake to believe it.
3. There is something wrong with someone who is “still single”
Notice the emphasis on the word “still”. This is a condescending statement with a time limit. No one has the right to determine the time frame by which someone else should be married. That timeline belongs to God.
If you are not married “yet”, it does not mean something is wrong with you. Many single individuals have other priorities for the time being.
“Singleness” is not a disease nor is it a curse. Furthermore, it is not our identity. It is only a season of life. So if you are wondering, “Who am I?”, look to Jesus. He is the one who gives us our true identity regardless of our marital status.
4. Singles can not experience intimacy
What do you think of when you hear the word “intimacy”? Most people think of physical contact and completely forget that emotional intimacy is more important. I love this quote.
“We’d be naive to think that physical intimacy alone is what keeps a marriage going or what fulfills us entirely. The lives of the Apostle Paul and Jesus Himself shows us that singles can live equally fulfilling lives—without physical intimacy—by investing in the other relationships God has given them. ” YMI (“Why Am I”), a part of Our Daily Bread Ministries
Our culture perpetuates the myth that sexual intimacy is one of our basic needs that must be met. Yet even for married couples, this is only a tiny fraction of their lives.
The truth is that we have many more important needs such as oxygen, food, water, clothing, shelter, and mental stimulation. People don’t die from a lack of physical intimacy. Furthermore, sexual activity apart from marriage is forbidden by Scripture. This is not to ruin our fun. Physical intimacy apart from marriage is harmful to us. But that is a whole study on its own.
Can I trust God in my singleness?
Most single women wonder when or if they will get married. It can be a huge weight to carry. They question if God knows what He is doing and if they can survive while they are waiting. Can we trust God in our singleness?
Elisabeth Elliot had a full life with 3 marriages. With that history, you might be thinking, “how could she relate to being single.” The truth is that Elizabeth was single more years than she was married. Her first husband was murdered, leaving her with a small child to raise alone. Her second husband died from cancer. There were many years of waiting in between those three marriages. At some point, she wrote in her journal,
“Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long. The Lord answered, ‘I must teach you to long for something better.’ ” Elisabeth Elliot
Is it possible, trusting God with your love life? Could it be that our longings are flawed? Maybe so. The truth is that even when we get what we want, we still feel a certain amount of emptiness. This is a common ailment regardless of our marital status.
Being married does not automatically erase a sense of emptiness. It might mask it or hide it for a while, but eventually, the emptiness returns.
Oh, that we would be trusting God in our singleness.
What does the Bible say about trusting God in singleness?
Do we really believe that God’s plans for us are good as it says in Jeremiah 29:11 and other places? If we did, then we would not fret so much about our marital status. Maybe being single for a season can really benefit us. What does the Bible say about trusting God in singleness?
God values singles as much as He values married people
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female (single or married), for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28 ESV (emphasis added)
In God’s eyes, our marital status does not set us apart into a different category. We are part of His creation, and therefore we a valued. And it is because of Jesus that we are accepted into God’s family.
Singles have more freedom and fewer distractions
“But if you should marry, you have not sinned … Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you … But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarrried is concerned about the things of the Lord … but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world how he may please his spouse, and his interests are divided.” Galatians 7:28, 32-33 NASV
What was the writer trying to spare the readers from?
If you are active on social media, you rarely see the hurts and disappointments that married people have to work through. Social media posts are usually the good moments in marriage. The apostle Paul was single and serving God, but very aware of the difficulties that his married readers often faced.
Marriage is a lot of work. So those who are single have more freedom and fewer distractions. That can be a good thing during some seasons of our lives.
Our purpose is to love and serve God by serving others
When singles rush to get married, it is usually to meet their own needs. Yet that is not why we were created. Married people are to serve each other. This whole concept is contrary to a self-centered culture. Until we learn to serve others, we are not ready for this kind of responsibility found in marriage.
So whether we are married or single, we can serve and love those around us. In doing so, we will feel fulfilled and with purpose.
Singleness is a season in life. We start life single and many of us will end life single. It is OK to be single.
Yet common myths often destroy our joy in the journey. To get past this hurdle and begin trusting God with our singleness, we need to fall in love with Jesus.
If you don’t know Jesus, you probably have questions. The people at Chat About Jesus have answers. You can text, call, or chat with them online any time of the day or night.
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