Every April and May I avoid the greeting card isles because it is painful. I remember the first year after my mother died. I wanted to get her a card and realized that would never happen again. Oh, how I longed to have her smile and laughter and voice again. Mother’s Day reminds me that I miss my mom so much. Even 10 years later it still hurts.
What about you? Is mother’s day painful? Do you wish you could hug her just one more time or smell her perfume? Fortunately, there are things that we can do to celebrate our moms in their absence.
I miss my mom so much it hurts
The pain of missing someone is hard to describe. It can be emotional and it can be physical.
Emotions can ebb and flow like waves on a beach. Sometimes the undercurrent is so strong it feels like it will sweep you out to sea.
There can also be a physical component to this pain. It can be a deep ache in the chest that feels like sore muscles. Or it can feel like when you breathe in really cold air- taking your breath away. Physical symptoms don’t usually last long, but they are never welcome.
Regardless of how much or what type of pain they experience, many people miss their moms so much, it hurts.
What to do when you miss your mom who died
We don’t have to be stuck forever in overwhelming grief when we lose our moms. It will continue to hurt off and on, but it will get easier.
While Mother’s Day will never be the same again, there are strategies to help get over the hump.
I miss my mom so much … but I remember her words
One of a mother’s responsibilities is to teach her children how to live. Sometimes kids don’t want to listen to their moms, but when they hear the same thing from another adult, it finally sinks in.
One thing I remember so clearly was when my mom told me, “I know you don’t understand now, but when you have your own children it will make sense.” Sure enough, she was right. And sure enough, I ended up telling my own children the same thing.
What about you? What is something you remember your mom telling you that has helped you as an adult? Tell us in the comments. I promise we don’t collect emails from people’s comments.
I miss my mom so much … but I have memories
Fond memories of our mothers are so precious. My mom and I were good friends. We went to games together, watched sad movies together, and best of all, went to the local drive-in to have root beer and hamburgers. Frosted mugs and burgers still bring back special memories.
Another memory of my mom that gives me tears every time is when my first boyfriend and I broke up. I was heartbroken. My mom sat quietly by my bed and listened. She did nothing else. No advice. Just pure love as her heart broke for mine.
What fond memories do you have of your mom? Hang onto them. They are special gifts to carry you through your tears.
I miss my mom so much … but she lives on in me
When a baby is born, people speculate who it looks like, mom or dad. There are going to be things about yourself that are reminders of your mom. Cherish them.
My musical ability is a direct result of my mom’s influence. She nurtured that in me. My mom sang on the radio when she was 4 years old, and encouraged me to sing and play instruments from the time I was young.
I also find myself talking with my hands, which she did. Even some of her quirky phrases I find myself saying. My mom’s body is gone, but ways live on in me.
What about you? How does your mom live on in you?
I miss my mom so much … but she left me a heritage
Our mothers pass on their values to us. Some children refuse this heritage. But if you are a daughter who accepted your mom’s values, thank God for her.
My mother loved to read. She made notes in her Bible when something was important to her. I do the same thing today. A mother’s Bible can be a treasure when she is gone.
My mother also loved to prepare meals for those who were alone on the holidays or were ill. She was an awesome demonstration of Biblical hospitality. I know what to do for friends and strangers alike because I was taught by my mother’s example.
What heritage did your mother leave for you?
What do you say to someone who misses their mom
Being empathetic does not mean you have to all have answers, so put your mind at ease. Too often, people try to fix the pain, and that doesn’t help. We just need to acknowledge it and assure them that we care.
But how do you convey caring? First, it takes time so be prepared. Here are some things you can say. Then just listen.
- You really miss your mom, don’t you?
- What was it about her that made her so special?
- What are your favorite memories of your mom?
- What do you need most right now?
- Can I pray for you?
Notice that these responses are all about your friend and her mom. They are not about you. And they are not about saying, “I know how you feel.” Chances are you don’t know exactly what she is feeling. But you will have a better idea when she talks about it.
You might be thinking, “Won’t I make her cry when I say these things?” She might, but tears are under the surface anyway, so let her cry. Then give her a hug if that does not violate her space. Not everyone wants to be hugged. Just know that you are giving her a gift when you listen. Being heard and understood is encouraging.
A prayer for when we miss our mothers
Dear Jesus,
Sometimes it hurts so much because my mother died. I know you understand because you wept when your friend Lazarus died.
You have said that when we get to heaven you will wipe away all our tears. But that is in the future, and my tears are now.
So I choose to thank you for all the good things I still have from my mother: her memories, her words, and her example.
When I feel like it is too hard to go on without her, help me to ‘wait on you’ for strength. And may I someday be able to share the comfort you are giving me now with someone else walking this difficult road of grief.
Thank you, Lord. Amen.”
From John 11:35, Revelation 21:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17, Isaiah 40:31, and 2 Corinthians 1:4
You can download this prayer here.
Final thoughts
The pain of missing a mom is real and is usually worse during holidays. Even years after her death, I miss my mom so much.
The good news is that the greatest gift we can give ourselves is gratitude for the memories and legacy our moms left us. She still lives on. We just have to look for her in different ways. That is a comfort to me. I hope it is for you too.
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