I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore

Life has a way of rearranging things. Change is inevitable and with it often comes the thought, “I don’t know who I am anymore“.

My guess is that up until recently your identity has been wrapped up in things or people and those connections have changed. Otherwise, you would not be reading this today.

You may be thinking, “How do I become myself?”

Let’s explore how you can have a rock-solid identity that does not change when life changes.

Are you ready? Let’s do it.

What does it mean to not know who you are anymore?

Many women find their identity in things or people outside of themselves. Then when life changes they are left wondering, “Who am I now?”

Loss of important roles can easily make us question who we are.

I don’t know who I am anymore after losing a child

A mother’s role can easily replace our own identity.

I remember watching my daughter get on a plane to go off to college. Though I knew it was coming, she was my whole life.

My identity was totally wrapped up in being a mom. I had gone to all her volleyball games and made cupcakes for the team’s bake sales.

Then there was the graduation trip to the beach where I helped chaperone. And the school play? I helped her memorize her lines. You name it and I did it.

What was I to do now that she was gone? Yes, I was still her mom, but she didn’t need me like she used to.

But empty nest is not the only reason for losing a child.

Some of you have lost children for other reasons. Miscarriages, the death of a child, and infertility can be terribly painful and make you think, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

I don’t know who I am anymore since I no longer have a spouse

Maybe you have gone through a divorce, or your spouse died. Many women find their identity in being a wife.

They love keeping a home and going places as a couple. Vacations, holidays, birthdays, promotions were always celebrated together.

Being a wife can easily replace our own identity.

Loss of friends and family

Maybe you had a manipulative or abusive spouse who gradually and systematically separated you from all other sources of support: family, friends, church.

In situations like these, a woman’s identity is often an extension of the one who abuses her. So she sees herself as unloveable, unworthy, and incapable.

Likewise, if you were abandoned or abused growing up, you may have the same feelings about yourself.

What others think of us can easily become our identity.

Loss of a career

There are women who are married to a career and suddenly it disappears for a variety of reasons.

An occupation can easily become our identity.

Loss of health or wealth

I have friends that work out regularly and are quite proud of their healthy bodies. But as we have learned so well during the world health crisis, we can be healthy today and deathly ill tomorrow.

Then there are those who have attained a certain amount of wealth and are devastated when that all disappears. Their financial standing was their identity.

Health or wealth can easily become our identity.

How can I be myself when I don’t know who I am?

It is impossible to be yourself if you have never learned who you really are.

We play certain roles:

  • Mother
  • Wife
  • Nurse, teacher, or some other occupation
  • Trialthalonist
  • Millionaire

However, these roles are not who we are. They are simply what we do.

Even our abilities are not who we are:

  • Musician
  • Artist
  • Chef
  • Author
  • Public speaker
  • Some other ability

All of these things can change at any given moment.

We could lose our hearing, sight, coordination, sense of smell, taste, or voice and all of these abilities would disappear. If that happens, then who are we?

Are you in crisis?

There is a difference between feeling like you don’t know who you are and being in a crisis.

If you feel like your emotions are out of control and that you might hurt yourself, you may be in a crisis.

Don’t try to sort this out alone. There are some free helplines where you can bounce your thoughts off of a trained professional.

The 24-Hour Crisis Line provides immediate help. We can help you determine if you or your loved one needs professional consultation or emergency services. 866-427-4747

Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. We’re here for everything: anxiety, depression, suicide, school. Text HOME to 741741.

National Suicide Prevention Helpline – If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7. 1-800-273-8255. (Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio, 1-888-628-9454)

How do I find who I am?

So how do we know who we really are?

We must look to the things that will never change.

God created each of us unique

The Bible says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Yes, even that mole on our nose or the scar from surgery is part of who we are.

DNA studies of even identical twins find variations from each other. We are God’s craftsmanship and He loves us just the way we are.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret … “ Psalm 139:13-15

God loves to give us gifts

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights (God), with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17 (explanation added)

Because of God’s gifts, we can boldly say that we are:

When we love God, these things will never change.

Photo of a jeweled crown and the caption, "I am the child of the King".
“I am a child of the King” Scripture card

It is important to realize that these promises are reserved only for those who have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

If you don’t know Jesus, you probably have questions. The people at Chat About Jesus have answers. You can text, call, or chat with them online any time of the day or night.

God has a perfect plan for our lives

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

The Bible says that every day of our lives was recorded in God’s book before we were born.

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:116

So where does the divorce, death, and other tragedies fit into that plan?

God says that He will work everything out for good if we love Him.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

God also says that He will give us something good to do with the painful scars of life. We can use them to encourage others.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

A Prayer for knowing who I am

Dear Heavenly Father,

The Bible says that you know everything about me so you already know ______________ (whatever has happened). I feel a bit lost right now, because of it.

I am not sure what my role in life is right now. But how I thank you that In your eyes, I am still me and nothing has changed.

Lord, remind me often that I am your child and heir to your kingdom. Therefore I am royalty.

Help me never forget that I am loved and forgiven because I have put my trust in you.

I ask you to help me to see and appreciate the many blessings you have given to me because I belong to you.

Thank you that you are always with me, and you give me the power and strength to do all that you want me to do.

Lord, help me to use your gifts and blessings to bless others. Thank you for this awesome responsibility.

In Jesus’ name, Amen

Photo of a prayer for knowing who I am
Prayer for knowing who I am

You can download this prayer here. No email is required.

Final thoughts and a gift

Life changes. Feelings change. But we never have to say, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Our roles in life and our abilities do not define who we are.

Our identity is found in God who never changes. His words are the truth

I pray that you know who you are through a relationship with Jesus. And to remind you of that relationship, I want you to have this Scripture Card. It is free to download. No email is required.

Photo of a tiara and caption, "I am a child of the king."
Download Scripture Card Free

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