Romance and roses. Cards and candy. Hearts and more hearts. This is celebrated in our Western Culture. So being single on Valentine’s day can feel like being out of sync. It is an oddity. How are singles who are not in a romantic relationship to cope on a day that points out what they often want but don’t have?
Some questions that you might be asking are:
- Why is Valentine’s day hard for singles?
- Is it OK to be single? (especially on Valentine’s day)
- Is there a special day for singles?
- How do I deal with being single on Valentine’s day?
Since I am single (again), I understand these questions. Valentine’s day used to be painful for me, but not anymore. I want to help answer your questions about being single on Valentine’s day.
Why is Valentine’s day hard for singles?
All we have to do is look at our culture and it becomes clear why Valentine’s day is hard for singles. We live in a “happily-ever-after culture” that is promoted in movies, books, children’s stories, you name it. The knight in shining armor rescues the beautiful maiden and they live in bliss forever.
Furthermore, many families expect their daughters to find a man and be in a romantic relationship or to get married by the time they are a certain age. Is it any wonder that many young women feel like something is wrong with them if they pass that magical age and are still single?
And what about those who once were in a romantic relationship or marriage and now are single again? Many feel like they are second-class citizens when this happens.
It can be hard being single without the right perspective. Then when you add in a “romance holiday”, it is quite clear why Valentine’s day is hard for singles.
But before we go any further, let me reassure you “happily ever after” is a myth. Being married or in a romantic relationship does not guarantee a blissful life. Many married women struggle with the same lonely, insecure feelings.
Is it OK to be single? (especially on Valentine’s day)
I am not sure why people ask this question, except that our culture has dictated to them that something is wrong because they are single. Very seldom are youngsters taught an appreciation for singleness.
Our relationship status does not make us more or less valuable. Our purpose in life does not change because we are single, divorced, or a widow.
To feel secure as a single requires that we find our identity in our relationship with God, and not in our associations with other people.
Singleness is a season in life. We start life single and many of us will end life single. It is OK to be single.
If Valentine’s day is for couples, is there a special day for singles?
Though not a recognized holiday, February 15th is now observed by many as “Singles Awareness Day” or “Singles Appreciation Day.”
My question is, “Why do we single people need a day all our own to celebrate?” I am the same person every day of the year and singleness is not a curse. In fact, there are quite a few advantages to being single.
Marriage is a lot of work. So those who are single have more freedom and fewer distractions. That can be a good thing during some seasons of our lives.
How do I deal with being single on Valentine’s day?
So how have you tried to deal with being single on Valentine’s day? I want to share with you some practical ways to ease the discomfort and even thrive in our “happily-ever-after” culture.
- Start falling in love with Jesus
- Settle your identity
- Start keeping a gratitude journal
- Look for someone to serve
- Celebrate with other singles the gift of physical and spiritual life
Start falling in love with Jesus
One of the first steps in dealing with being single on Valentine’s day is to start falling in love with Jesus.
If you don’t know Jesus, you probably have questions. The people at Chat About Jesus have answers. You can text, call, or chat with them online any time of the day or night.
What is important to the rest of the world becomes less important when you “love Jesus with your heart, soul, and mind.” (Matthew 22:37)
Settle your identity
Many women believe that life doesn’t really begin until they get married. This is a fantasy.
It is impossible for any human to make us feel complete. In fact, the only one who can do this is Jesus. Until we get that settled in our thoughts, we will always be trying to find someone to fill up our “empty cup” emotionally when our cup has a hole in it. That empty feeling is our need for Jesus.
And if you have gone through a divorce, there are additional emotions that come to the surface. The divorced woman often wonders, “Who am I after divorce?“
Start keeping a gratitude journal
Being single on Valentine’s day can be a real bummer if all you focus on is what you don’t have. But when we write down all the blessings that God has given to us, our emotions begin to change.
Even when we don’t feel like being grateful, going through the motions soon brings us huge benefits. We can fake it till we make it! And the benefits are proven by science.
Look for someone to serve
When we have a servant’s heart, we can keep as busy as we want, while at the same time discovering our purpose in life. Serving also creates new friendships that often last a lifetime. This is a great activity to take some of the sting out of being single on Valentine’s day.
Never underestimate the benefits to you personally when you get involved in the lives of other people.
Celebrate the gift of physical and spiritual life with other singles
Good friends are at the center of our emotional existence. God created us for community with those who can encourage us even when being single on Valentine’s day.
And just how are we to encourage each other? The Scriptures give us hope, joy, and peace. This is why we need Godly friends.
Here are just a few encouraging Bible verse paraphrases for being single on Valentine’s day.
- “Jesus came so I could have abundant life.” (John 10:10)
- “No love is greater than from Jesuss.” (John 15:13)
- “Joy comes from being in the presence of God.” (Psalm 16:11)
- “God’s love is everlasting.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
- “Nothing can separate us from the love of God.” (Romans 8:38-39)
- “God will never leave us.” (Deuteronomy 31:8, Hebrews 13:5)
- “God’s plans for us are good.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
- “God gives the best gifts. Every good gift comes ultimately from Him”. (James 1:17)
You can download these verses in a “card deck” version to carry with you or place where you can see it often. No Email is required. Enjoy!
Final thoughts on being single on Valentine’s day
Is it hard being single on Valentine’s day? Yes, of course, it is. But so is being married for many women on many more days than just Valentine’s day.
Solid relationships are what bring joy to our lives, starting with Jesus and then extending to others who love Jesus. This is how we conquer our feelings about being single on Valentine’s Day.
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